As I write this I'm thinking I should pick my words very carefully. I already pissed the significant other in a conversation regarding this topic and it is highly likely that shes not the only one who will take offense.
So, let's get down to business and annoy every Estonian I know.
First, obviously, some context
I recently (four days before writing this post) chose to go back to Kenya once I finish my studies on Estonia. Of course, among the first people I told of this idea was my girlfriend (she might have to make the choice of leaving her home, friends and family far behind to join me). As expected, among the questions she has asked multiple times since then the predictable question: ""WHY?!" Obviously not always with the caps and exclamation mark. Obviously, the first answer is always pretty much the same: It will be fun and I like it in Kenya. Tonight, however, we went a little over the edge with the conversation. A proper long talk and explanation was demanded of me (or so I thought) and so began a rather interesting chemical reaction in my brain that led to Her storming out of the room in protest at the very raw, unprocessed idea of a thought. Now I sit here, on an inflatable armchair by Her bed, writing the more processed thoughts in silence as she lies on the bed, probably writing her own thoughts, also in silence.
When an Estonian asks me, "So, how do you like Estonia?" I don't think they expect me to answer truthfully and tell them everything I like and/or dislike about this country. The answer they expect is something along the lines of, "Oh, it's a nice country, very beautiful. The people are pretty friendly and I like it here." This is no lie. These are all thoughts I have about Estonia and, truthfully, I do like it here. Fortunately and unfortunately, however, that is not all of it. If life were that easy, it would be far too boring. So, let's have a proper look at Estonia, from the eyes and inner thoughts of the slightly disturbed gentleman currently in charge of the posts on this blog and damn the critics. Let's take off the gloves for a while.
Of course, we shall begin by generalizing EVERYTHING!
"Estonia is small, in many ways." - These are words my mother once said on camera for a documentary film, which was later aired in Estonia and has since become quite a big deal and the go-to doc film when talking about Estonians leaving the country and Non-Estonians entering the country. Once I just thought my blessed parent was just far too ambitious, or not ambitious enough, to live in Estonia. Now, almost a full decade after I first heard those words coming out of a TV, I think I understand the problem. Estonia is, indeed, small. With a geographical size of 45,228 sq km, according to the CIA World Factbook, there aren't many countries smaller. Also, with a population of 1,257,921 people, a country with less people than the capital city of the country I grew up in can't be considered anything other than small. But, obviously, the size of the country and population doesn't matter much, as Estonians almost go out of their way to prove that the country size doesn't matter. But therein lie what I see to be a few problems.
I'm sure we all know of "That Kid". The one who's really interested in Big Brother and his friends. The Kid tries as hard as possible to get accepted into the big kids group. But everyone knows that the big kids merely tolerate the Kid. Such is the case with dear little Estonia. In my very biased eyes, every single step Estonia makes in the direction of joining the big, awesome and cool countries in the North is met with sideways looks and mumbled, half-hearted "OK" replies.
But I lost my train of thought here, after a partially public argument with my girlfriend. Skype group chats are pretty cool.
Similarly, some European celebrities have been known to ignore Estonian press, who almost always ask, "So, what do YOU think of the Estonians?" Also like The Kid, Estonia seems to ignore its peers, Latvia and Lithuania. Public opinion of those countries isn't the best, in general, despite the fact that the other two countries have a lot in common wih Estonia.
But I'm no professional in international relations and I'm sure I'll probably get a lot of messages about how wrong my thoughts are, so let's move on before I lose another train.
The people.
Another common question is, "So, what do you think about Estonians? Do you think they are similar to the stereotype?" The stereotype here is that Estonians are quiet, almost completely antisocial and barely talk to anyone. Under that also goes that they are racist and non-tolerant of change and foreigners. The common answer to that, obviously is, "Oh, not at all! I believe quite a few Estonians are very friendly and I'm yet to find a stereotypical Estonian." Nobody expects the more critical, "Yes, if you were to walk up to an Estonian on the street, they will probably be cold, very reserved and only speak to you with as few words as possible to make sense," or that older Estonians are quite surprised to see foreigners. I, for one, attract more attention than I'd like, being a "Black Guy" who speaks Estonian. And if there's one thing I know, it's that Estonians don't judge awkward situations and awkwardness the same way as everyone else does. So I've almost gotten used to the whole, "Aah, but it's really good that you know Estonian. That means you can blend in easier and can make friends and stuff," or the "Can you believe this guy? He's not even from Estonia and speaks much more than your average Estonian Russian!" - Side note: There are some Estonian citizens of Russian origin who refrain from learning and speaking Estonian, prefering the language of the Eastern giant.
Over time thes get really annoying, especially taking into account that in order to get an Estonian talking this much, you need to have them chug down at least two beers. Maybe even a shot of vodka or two as well. Obviously, one can imagine the quality of conversation one can get from such a situation.
So, who or what is an Estonian? I've found an Estonian to be practically a workhorse of some description. Almost wordlessly doing whatever job they've given themselves, taking most of the flack life throws at them without so much as a grunt and when asked how it's going they'll answer, "Like normal." Even when times might be tough, the answer remains the same and few will talk about the hard time.
Estonians judge and pre-judge everyone all the time. Which is why they are so closed. Having to worry about what others think about them and also drawing their own conclusions makes these people very silent, in an attempt to not give enough fodder for others to judge negatively, because heaven forbid, if that person I barely know thinks I'm silly.
And yet I must marvel in the fact that people manage to live like that. Living completely in one's comfort zone is comfortable, but leaves one almost powerless when confronted with something new.
And I lost my train of thought. What was I rambling about again?
Oh well, I think I've either made my point or absolutely butchered my chances of making it. Either way, it's time for a conclusion.
So why am I going back to Kenya? Because I can imagine a future for myself there. It's hip, its interesting, but most important, I can see how I'm going to achieve it. It's a step out of my comfort zone in some ways and a step back into my comfort zone in other ways. Because I'm tired of the very closed thinking living in Estonia has given me and want something more unpredictable. Mostly because every day in Estonia makes me feel older while every day in Kenya keeps me feeling young. But who am I kidding, I'll probably change my mind before I even get to Kenya again.
If you managed to read this far, congradulations. I'd have given up twice by now. And no, I didn't read through this before publishing it. I might later on.
So, let's get down to business and annoy every Estonian I know.
First, obviously, some context
I recently (four days before writing this post) chose to go back to Kenya once I finish my studies on Estonia. Of course, among the first people I told of this idea was my girlfriend (she might have to make the choice of leaving her home, friends and family far behind to join me). As expected, among the questions she has asked multiple times since then the predictable question: ""WHY?!" Obviously not always with the caps and exclamation mark. Obviously, the first answer is always pretty much the same: It will be fun and I like it in Kenya. Tonight, however, we went a little over the edge with the conversation. A proper long talk and explanation was demanded of me (or so I thought) and so began a rather interesting chemical reaction in my brain that led to Her storming out of the room in protest at the very raw, unprocessed idea of a thought. Now I sit here, on an inflatable armchair by Her bed, writing the more processed thoughts in silence as she lies on the bed, probably writing her own thoughts, also in silence.
When an Estonian asks me, "So, how do you like Estonia?" I don't think they expect me to answer truthfully and tell them everything I like and/or dislike about this country. The answer they expect is something along the lines of, "Oh, it's a nice country, very beautiful. The people are pretty friendly and I like it here." This is no lie. These are all thoughts I have about Estonia and, truthfully, I do like it here. Fortunately and unfortunately, however, that is not all of it. If life were that easy, it would be far too boring. So, let's have a proper look at Estonia, from the eyes and inner thoughts of the slightly disturbed gentleman currently in charge of the posts on this blog and damn the critics. Let's take off the gloves for a while.
Of course, we shall begin by generalizing EVERYTHING!
"Estonia is small, in many ways." - These are words my mother once said on camera for a documentary film, which was later aired in Estonia and has since become quite a big deal and the go-to doc film when talking about Estonians leaving the country and Non-Estonians entering the country. Once I just thought my blessed parent was just far too ambitious, or not ambitious enough, to live in Estonia. Now, almost a full decade after I first heard those words coming out of a TV, I think I understand the problem. Estonia is, indeed, small. With a geographical size of 45,228 sq km, according to the CIA World Factbook, there aren't many countries smaller. Also, with a population of 1,257,921 people, a country with less people than the capital city of the country I grew up in can't be considered anything other than small. But, obviously, the size of the country and population doesn't matter much, as Estonians almost go out of their way to prove that the country size doesn't matter. But therein lie what I see to be a few problems.
I'm sure we all know of "That Kid". The one who's really interested in Big Brother and his friends. The Kid tries as hard as possible to get accepted into the big kids group. But everyone knows that the big kids merely tolerate the Kid. Such is the case with dear little Estonia. In my very biased eyes, every single step Estonia makes in the direction of joining the big, awesome and cool countries in the North is met with sideways looks and mumbled, half-hearted "OK" replies.
But I lost my train of thought here, after a partially public argument with my girlfriend. Skype group chats are pretty cool.
Similarly, some European celebrities have been known to ignore Estonian press, who almost always ask, "So, what do YOU think of the Estonians?" Also like The Kid, Estonia seems to ignore its peers, Latvia and Lithuania. Public opinion of those countries isn't the best, in general, despite the fact that the other two countries have a lot in common wih Estonia.
But I'm no professional in international relations and I'm sure I'll probably get a lot of messages about how wrong my thoughts are, so let's move on before I lose another train.
The people.
Another common question is, "So, what do you think about Estonians? Do you think they are similar to the stereotype?" The stereotype here is that Estonians are quiet, almost completely antisocial and barely talk to anyone. Under that also goes that they are racist and non-tolerant of change and foreigners. The common answer to that, obviously is, "Oh, not at all! I believe quite a few Estonians are very friendly and I'm yet to find a stereotypical Estonian." Nobody expects the more critical, "Yes, if you were to walk up to an Estonian on the street, they will probably be cold, very reserved and only speak to you with as few words as possible to make sense," or that older Estonians are quite surprised to see foreigners. I, for one, attract more attention than I'd like, being a "Black Guy" who speaks Estonian. And if there's one thing I know, it's that Estonians don't judge awkward situations and awkwardness the same way as everyone else does. So I've almost gotten used to the whole, "Aah, but it's really good that you know Estonian. That means you can blend in easier and can make friends and stuff," or the "Can you believe this guy? He's not even from Estonia and speaks much more than your average Estonian Russian!" - Side note: There are some Estonian citizens of Russian origin who refrain from learning and speaking Estonian, prefering the language of the Eastern giant.
Over time thes get really annoying, especially taking into account that in order to get an Estonian talking this much, you need to have them chug down at least two beers. Maybe even a shot of vodka or two as well. Obviously, one can imagine the quality of conversation one can get from such a situation.
So, who or what is an Estonian? I've found an Estonian to be practically a workhorse of some description. Almost wordlessly doing whatever job they've given themselves, taking most of the flack life throws at them without so much as a grunt and when asked how it's going they'll answer, "Like normal." Even when times might be tough, the answer remains the same and few will talk about the hard time.
Estonians judge and pre-judge everyone all the time. Which is why they are so closed. Having to worry about what others think about them and also drawing their own conclusions makes these people very silent, in an attempt to not give enough fodder for others to judge negatively, because heaven forbid, if that person I barely know thinks I'm silly.
And yet I must marvel in the fact that people manage to live like that. Living completely in one's comfort zone is comfortable, but leaves one almost powerless when confronted with something new.
And I lost my train of thought. What was I rambling about again?
Oh well, I think I've either made my point or absolutely butchered my chances of making it. Either way, it's time for a conclusion.
So why am I going back to Kenya? Because I can imagine a future for myself there. It's hip, its interesting, but most important, I can see how I'm going to achieve it. It's a step out of my comfort zone in some ways and a step back into my comfort zone in other ways. Because I'm tired of the very closed thinking living in Estonia has given me and want something more unpredictable. Mostly because every day in Estonia makes me feel older while every day in Kenya keeps me feeling young. But who am I kidding, I'll probably change my mind before I even get to Kenya again.
If you managed to read this far, congradulations. I'd have given up twice by now. And no, I didn't read through this before publishing it. I might later on.
